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Aesthetic Raffle~

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 16, 2018, 12:37 PM

lonely-eel is kindly hosting an aesthetic raffle, and I'd like to participate while also herding some of my watchers over there.  So, here's their raffle:

FREE Aesthetic Design RaffleHi all! I feel really bad because I haven't done a raffle/free giveaway in a while.
I decided i'll do more of these every month, maybe 1-3? IDK! but anyway, here are the rules for entering and the prizes!
- Spring Flower Bullet  You must create a journal including the following:
silver bullet - A link to this raffle
silver bullet - 1-2 of my designs 
-Spring Flower Bullet  Comment on this post showing me the journal
The winner will be picked by random, once you leave a comment showing me your journal, I will reply with a number
Annnnd that's it, so on to the prize!
If you win, you will get a free design from me!
Spring Flower Bullet 
(The quality will be like the first design here)

SPECIES TYPES FOR DESIGNS! by lonely-eel Melon Ramune - Aesthetic Design by lonely-eel Ink Blot - Aesthetic Design by lonely-eel Watch Your Neck - Aesthetic Design by lonely-eel

I'm not sure if I need to give my aesthetics beforehand or what, but I guess going to look at my page would be good.  I love monochrome, birds/dinosaurs, themes involving death or the unkown, uncanny/unnerving things, creepy stuff, etc.  And I suppose out of the species they offer I prefer the monsters or axolotls.

Good luck to anyone who wants to enter!

  • Listening to: "Nym" - Phlux
  • Reading: Inbox Shiz
  • Watching: Night Mind
  • Playing: Elvenar
  • Eating: S'mores Poptarts
  • Drinking: Water


Journal Entry: Fri Apr 6, 2018, 5:53 PM
xaineko / SkiuridS / Skiurid was caught using designs and swap copies of other artists in the adopt/OC community.  My purpose in sharing this is NOT to start a witch hunt, or to send others to hate on them.  I'm just alerting the community to prevent people from adopting more potentially stolen and/or heavily influenced designs.  I'm incredibly disappointed to see this happening while I'm babystepping myself back into the adopt community, and wouldn't want this kind of thing happening with any of my characters, adopts or otherwise.

(I myself almost adopted something from them yesterday when it popped up in my inbox, and I'm REALLY glad I didn't-)

You can read more about this incident in the journal link here:
Ripoffmaybe by Fluffomaru
(Some evidence from another artist ^ )

Let this also serve as kind of a guide of what NOT to do when creating inspiration pieces.  Copying colors of characters exactly while pulling the main themes and focal points of a character and applying them all to a new one isn't okay.


Keep your designs safe, guys.

  • Listening to: "This is Home" - Cavetown
  • Reading: Inbox Shiz
  • Watching: Game Grumps
  • Playing: Warframe
  • Eating: Tofu w/ Ginger, Rice & Butter Beans
  • Drinking: Water


Journal Entry: Sun Apr 1, 2018, 4:01 PM
((EDIT:  I decided to extend the sale to 4/4/2018 to give people more time.))

HAPPY EASTER FOOL'S DAY, BITCHES.  I'm having a HUGE 50% off sale for my leftover adoptables TODAY ONLY!!!

:Only at Easter: Easter surprise  It Was At This Moment Bunny Knew: He Bucked Up It Was At This Moment Bunny Knew: He Bucked Up It Was At This Moment Bunny Knew: He Bucked Up Easter surprise  :Only at Easter: 


Again, this is NOT a joke!  I wanted to clear out the open sheets I have so I can feel good about making more adoptables in the future.  Like, my style and techniques have been improving a lot, and I want to clear out the old adopts to make some new ones for you guys to enjoy.  To help do this, I obviously need some peeps to adopt the leftover children.
Nebula Eaters Adoptables - OPEN by SavannaEGoth EMERGENCY Cash/Point Anthro Adopts - OPEN by SavannaEGoth EMERGENCY Cash OR Point Song Adopts - OPEN by SavannaEGoth…


ALSO- I'm rehoming an adopt or two (or twenty) that I obtained in the past.  I was scrolling through some of my adopted characters and realized I wasn't as in love with their designs anymore, and couldn't really see myself doing anything with them.  So I'll link those below.  Where I'll be giving them away FOR FREE.  Wowie zowie.
NOTE:  If I can't get these free characters below rehomed then I'm returning them to the original artists so that they may resell them.  These guys will be available until next Sunday (April 9th)!

Cat adops free by Tlenderman adopty C: by IzabelaTheSukkub Wolf Adoptables - 5 Points Each by xXDreeamXx-Adopts
Cat #4 .......||....... Wolf 5 .......||....... Wolf 2 .......||....... 
:TAKEN: adoptable dragon by summercat123 open adoption (2-8) by AdoptionNEW adoption (open 5) by AdoptionNEW
Cassie .......||....... Fox 3 on first sheet, Fox 5 on second sheet (same character)
Adopt  pup one CLOSED by DracKeagan So Far by ApocalypticVoid
 .......||....... Hunter's Puppies (All except third on the top row under the parents)


Last bit of good news, I want to work on some adopts for today so I guess I need to get on that, and I'll update this journal with them whenever I upload them.  (And for those guys I'll likely have them on sale for the next two or three days since I'm uploading them late.)

Heart Heart 

Okay, so technically my birthday is the 6th, not the 5th, but it's in less than an hour, so-  (Actually, wait.. .  I was born at 9:00 AM, so it's really less than ten. .   Whatever.)  But yeah.  This nerd is about to turn twenty-one, and now I shall experience the world of alcohol as I've spent my life avoiding unerage drinking like the plague.  It's probably really silly, but I am honestly proud of myself for abstaining from alcohol this long.  Go me!  Whenever I get paid a substantial amount from work and can get groceries and pay bills and all that I'm gonna get the mixings for a drink I've wanted to try for ages--an Alien Brain Hemorrhage.  Then and only then will I ease myself into other alcohols like a normal person.

Here's to hoping that I make it another year and that I have been blessed with the drinking abilities of my ancestors.

Oh yeah!  And I finally broke 100,000 pageviews!  But I'll post more on that later.  ;D
  • Listening to: "Momotaro" - Wednesday Campanella
  • Reading: Inbox Shiz
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Terraria
  • Eating: Spaghetti
  • Drinking: Water
I can't make it pretty since my core's up now, sorry.  :'D

Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm going to be working on more of those Nebula Eaters soon, but I really need to think of a good price for them.  Like, I'm not going to have them up for anything less than $10, maybe no less than $15 (with the option to pay in points, as well), but I don't know how high to price them.  My partner suggested to me that I should price them really high since that apparently draws more people in.  Like, they see something expensive, think that means it's high-quality or exclusive or something, and they are more willing to throw more money down on it as weird as that sounds--he even went so far as to suggest pricing them at $100 a pop.  I'm just nervous that will force more people to stay away from my art and adoptables than before.  I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this.

I'd also really like you guys to look at my baby, Veil, and throw up figures for about how much you'd imagine it would run for, or how much you'd pay for an adoptable like it.
Veil - Nebula Eater (NEW CLOSED SPECIES!) by SavannaEGoth

Thanks again for a good year, guys.  Amid all my various hiatusies and life drama, it was nice to return to a friendly community and loyal viewer base!  Gonna be working to get a job and make art money on the side.  Hopefully next year I'll be more active and artsy, and can start making good money again.  This is all stressing me out something fierce.  O~O

Lastly, I'll leave you all with some tunage.  Have a great New Year, everybody~

- With love, Essy


  • Listening to: "Not Too Late" - Lemaitre
  • Reading: Inbox Shiz
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Lioden
  • Eating: Toasted Sandwich and Baked Potato
  • Drinking: Water

Life Update-

Journal Entry: Sat Oct 28, 2017, 1:25 AM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.

Eyyyyy.  A lot of things have happened since I last formally checked in with you guys.  Let's talk about that-  (Gonna try to keep it short since it's late and I'm tired. . .)

Uh . . . hm.  First off . . . I quit one of my jobs so I would have more time for building relationships, art, gaming, and spending time with my significant other.

I am dating again!  Yeah!  It's been a little over four months now since my darling and I got together, and I know we've been really quiet about it since it happened, but I'll be posting a lot of art of the two of us in the future.  I love them so much and they honestly inspire to do so many things . . . it'd be hard not to make art of them. . .

I adopted a leopard gecko!  She's about a year old, and I named her Tawny.  She is cuddly and loves hunting crickies.  She also enjoys climbing on top of her heat cave to get scritchies and pets, and sometimes when I hold her she climbs up my arms to get closer to my face.  It's . . . frickin' adorable.

I'm trying to improve my mood and reduce stress while my emotions continue to fly all over the place.  I think I . . . might be . . . bipolar after all . . or have bipolar depression . . . but I don't know for sure.  I'm just noticing that I'm angry a lot more than I've ever been in the past and I still have tons of unhealthy thoughts I'm trying to repress.  My partner is helping me through this.

I've been avoiding art.  (No shit.)
I just . . . I accumulated some commissions and a lot of requests from people I know IRL and I have a huge problem saying no, so I keep adding thigns to my to-do list.  On top of that I have those damned pony breedables to do . . . I won't be reopening those, by the way.  I just don't like designing them like I used to, but I still want to make them for the people who've already paid, you know?  I also still have an MAP part to make for some old music video on YT, but because of life and stress I just . . . never got around to it.  See, with all of these things I owe people I just . . . don't feel comfortable putting out my personal work so . . . my DA has been dying.  I just feel so guilty making things for myself or featuring my favorite characters when I should be working on paid work . . . but I don't know. . .  I haven't been enjoying the things people have asked me to work on for them.  Like . . . they just don't appeal to me, so that in addition to a hectic schedule (not to mention my shitty motivation to do anything at all), and emotional conditions makes it super hard to work.  I'm kind of forcing myself to do things now. . .  Which almost makes me like working on these projects less because I want art to be art, and I want to work on it impulsively rather than have it feel like work.  It's for that reason that I may be more selective about commissions in the future.

There's another reason I'm trying to wrap up these loose art ends-

I'm moving!

For the first time in almost 21 years I'm going to be living outside of my home state.  My partner and I are going to be moving into his friends' home half-way across the country . . . so . . . I'm going to be leaving Wyoming and coming to Georgia.  It feels crazy and frightening, but I really think this is for the best.  We'll get to finally be closer together again, we can go to more concerts and comic cons, we can play Warframe next to one another, eat together, see each other at the end and beginning of each day. . .~  I miss them so much. . .  I can't wait to be starting my life with them.  It's been hard being alone in my apartment since he had to go back home after coming to visit me earlier this year, so getting to see my dear again will be everything.

In the meantime, I've been finding a new tenant for my apartment, packing, and cleaning the FUCK out of this place.  I don't have a lot of stuff, and I already keep this place really clean . . . so that's . . . probably not as bad as it seems, but dealing with my building managers is fucking hell.  I hate them.  I hate their office.  I hate everything they stand for.  Those shady, greedy, lying assholes.  But I'm almost gone, so yay!  (I even found someone who can move in next week after I leave and they'll be able to reimburse me for November's rent, so yay!  Just gotta wait on my landlords now. . .)

My partner and I have a few big plans for the future, as well (including going to a monk school in China, and attending university in Germany), but I don't wanna bog this journal down anymore.  I've got to repair my bedroom walls in the morning and I have a full day of work ahead of me tomorrow.

Oh shit . . . just remembered I need to get my new bank card, too . . . kind of need one of those if I'm going to be paying for gas to drive the Uhaul over to Georgia. . .  Yeah. . .  And I need a new bank down there, too. . .  Shit.  And a change of address, also.  Fuck.  Lots of things to do still. . .

So yeah.  Hope you all are well.  Love you~

  • Listening to: "Evelyn, Evelyn" - Evelyn Evelyn
  • Reading: News Articles
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Warframe
  • Eating: Salt & Vinegar Potatoes
  • Drinking: Sprite

Guess who's joining the Mandalorian Mercs?

Journal Entry: Fri May 19, 2017, 1:51 PM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.

Eeeeeyep!  You're looking at the newest pre-approved member of the Mandalorian Mercenaries--an elite group of Star Wars cosplayers who attend conventions, charity events, and other Star Wars' related happenings and celebrations.  They're an extension of the 501st Legion, the storm trooper and sith cosplayers who also do these things, but have a much larger member count.  This was my second year talking to the members of the organization, but unlike last time this time I actually visited them all three days, asked way more questions, met more of the members, and finally joined their forums.  I'm going to be saving up a little more money before I begin to work on my armor, but I've already started designing the character I'll be creating to join their ranks as a full member in the future.  I'm so excited to have been presented with this opportunity, and I'm really appreciative of the cool new friends I made who are already in the group!  They're so welcoming and enthusiastic, and really do seem to be like a family.  (I know a lot of people claim their groups are like one big family, but they actually seem like one!)  I've already received some help and caring convos from some of the members, and they still chat with me a little bit every now and then.  I really think I'm going to love being a merc.  <3

Okay, okay . . now I've got to go to work.  See you guys soon~

  • Listening to: Star Wars Dubstep
  • Reading: Mandalore
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Sims 3
  • Eating: Spaghetti
  • Drinking: Dr. Pepper

Tag Thingy-

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 31, 2017, 12:27 AM
Alright.  I'm partially worried that parts of this journal might come across as bragging to some people.  Just know that this isn't my intent, and if you want just totally ignore this shit and go on living life.

Tagged by Takai-Yubikiri 


[x] Mother 
[ ] Father 
[x] Step-Father 
[ ] Step-Mother 
[ ] Step Sister
[ ] Step Brother
[ ] Brother 
[ ] Brother In Law
[ ] Sister 
[ ] Sister In Law 
[ ] Twin
[ ] Half sister
[x] Half brother 
[ ] Nephew 
[ ] Niece 
[ ] Boyfriend/Girlfriend
[x] Mobile phone 
[x] Own bathroom 
[x] Own room 
[x] Have/had a swimming pool (if kiddie pools count, then sure)
[x] Have/had a hot tub 
[ ] Guest room 
[x] Living Room
[x] Own computer 
[x] Own TV
[x] flat TV
[ ] Lots of rugs 
Total: 12 (I live by myself, bruh- course this shit's mine)

[x] Full size/Queen bed 
[x] More than 8 pairs of shoes 
[x] MP3 Player/iPod
[x] PS2/3 (PS4 pls )
[x] Nintendo DS or PSP
[ ] Gameboy/Advance
[ ] Gamecube 
[ ] Xbox/Xbox 360 
[ ] Wii 
[x] Your Own Laptop 
Total: 6

[ ] Basketball net/hoop
[ ] Air hockey table
[ ] Pool table
[ ] Ping pong table
[ ] Football table
[x] sport gear 
Total: 1

[x] Nightstand
[x] Stereo in bedroom 
[ ] surround system
[ ] DVD player in bedroom/portable
Total: 2

[ ] Go shopping at least once a week
[ ] Expensive cologne/perfume
[ ] AIM/MSN (Gmail)
[x] Camera on phone
Total: 2

[ ] Straightener/curling iron 
[ ] Have been to a batting cage 
[ ] Have $100 on you right now in your pocket/wallet 
[x] Credit card or ATM card or debit card or bank card 
[ ] Have a TV in your room 
[ ] Mirror in your room
Total: 1

[x] Window in your room
[ ] Been to Paris 
[ ] Been to Rome 
[ ] Been to Australia 
[ ] Been to Switzerland
[ ] Been to Dubai
[ ] Been to Germany 
[ ] Been to the United Kingdom
[ ] Been to a place written in 7 wonders 
Total: 1

[x] Parents have a car
[ ] Have owned or own a Jet ski/boat
[x] Had/have Camped 
[x] Been to 3+ states/countries/provinces
[x] 80+ buddies 
Total: 4

[ ] Home cooked meals almost everyday 
[x] Been in a limo  
[ ] Been in a helicopter
[x] Own a camera 
[ ] Have been to Disneyland/World more than 2 times
Total: 2


Post as:
1-25 = Ghetto! (and tag 3 people) 
26-40 = Average Teen! (and tag 10 people) 
41-50 = Spoiled Teen! (And tag 15 people) 
51+ = Upper Class Snob! (and tag 20 people)

Total: 12 + 6 + 1 + 2 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 4 + 2 = 31
31 = Average Teen


Boy howdy.
Don't be deceived.  This thing makes even my boring life sound more exciting than it really is.  Ah well.  It was a thing to do to pass time.  Thanks for the tag and the attention as always, Takai!~  <3

Tagging:  I don't know.  Whoever wishes to do this.  I'm a little hesitant to pick people in case this starts a privilege argument or something.  Again, know that this isn't my intent and you obviously don't have to give this info if you don't want to.  Also, if you're my friends then you likely already know I don't really make a deal about backgrounds at all, and I don't mean to offend people.  I love you guys.
GHELP0 , hyperdriive , Shalmons , JericiEiliel , tokoroth-of-chaos , Torn-B-I-a-S , echo9hotel , centaur788 , AsrielMemeurr , butters-butt 

  • Listening to: "Alone" - Marshmello
  • Reading: Kylo Ren Fics
  • Watching: Creepy Countdowns
  • Playing: Minecraft
  • Eating: Shrimp Spring Rolls
  • Drinking: Milk

Don't need surgery!

Journal Entry: Thu Mar 30, 2017, 2:57 PM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.

So I'm back with some good and bad news.

Good news is that my tongue has healed and I won't need surgery to remove the previously swollen membranes underneath!  I've also got groceries and some medicine again, so now I'm gaining back a little of the weight I've been steadily losing, and I can kick my migraine's asses before they even come to a full head.  The weather's getting warmer now that spring's more or less here, so walking to work in the early AM isn't as nippy.  I'm getting my personal life and relationships more in order, and have been pushing myself to be more social and open with my friends and family.  I'm still nervous right now, and hella awkward, but things are becoming more manageable.  I've been reconnecting with old friends, and am continuing to hang out with people weekly outside of work and my apartment to try and stay in a healthy headspace.  So that all is going pretty damn dandy.

The bad news is that I had to leave college.  My financial situation got to the point where I couldn't afford school anymore so yeah.  I don't know when I'll go back.  Honestly, I lost so much drive to even pursue my dream career, if it's even my dream anymore.  I for once in my life am questioning my future path and just had a really uncomfortable moment of realization that I didn't like what I was doing, and it was school that largely made me unhappy.  So I'm slowly trying to figure out what to do.  Everyone IRL is telling me to puruse something with art, but I'd honestly rather just give up on life before I spend money and time on art classes.  I really, really despise that kind of setting and the idea of someone grading my work based on their own ideals and preferences.  Not only that, but there's so little to do with an art degree in Wyoming save for business logos.  >_>  I'm still looking for a second job to make ends meet right now, and all of this panic and insecurity is really killing my drive to log on to DA or go on my chat apps so I've been withdrawing from certain places online until I can get things in order again.

Oh yeah, and while this likely goes without saying, my damned lovelife--or rather, lackthereof--is presenting me with new issues.  So slight romantic tension and disgust/distrust of certain individuals are fighting for my attention and I'm just here like "this is all bullshit."  So yeah.  That's also a thing I'm struggling with that I haven't even told my friends on FB due to how embarrassing it is for me.  Woohoo.

I love you guys so much, Jesus.

  • Listening to: "The Other Side of Paradise" - Glass Animals
  • Reading: Kylo Ren Fics
  • Watching: YouTube News
  • Playing: MineCraft
  • Eating: Applesauce
  • Drinking: Milk

I might need surgery?

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 28, 2017, 8:39 PM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.

So . . . I'm not entirely sure just yet, as this . . . . thing is still in its infancy, and hopefully will just go away by itself.  I'm talking about this nasty swollen abscess of sorts forming under my tongue.  Apparently they can appear at random, and may result from drinking alcohol or sugary beverages.  Obviously I don't drink--I'm underage.  But I did have a few sodas recently, and normally I don't drink anything that isn't healthy.  I really try to avoid eating or having a lot of junk food in my apartment.

Anywho!  This thing hasn't gone away and it's already been a few days since it started growing in size and becoming discolored.  I would just remove it myself but there are people warning against that as these things sometimes become connected to the major arteries in your tongue and you can easily bleed out if the bleeding doesn't show signs of stopping.  For those of you who've known me for a good time will prolly recall that while I hardly fear anything I was traumatized by nightmares during my blood tests and now am pretty nervous about bleeding out, so I'm keeping anything sharp the hell away from my tongue.  Problem is the swelling is occuring in one of my mucosa--the little dangly bits of skin some people have that grow along their plica fimbriata, or the mucous membrane folds that run from your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.  They form in such a way that they can line up with the gaps between your teeth so that when you stick out your tongue or lick something these bits of flesh can occasionally get caught and either get pulled or tear.  It's usually painless, but due to this swelling it happens a lot more often and is quite uncomfortable.

Eating hot food bothers it a lot which is unfortunate seeing as how the only food I currently have that doesn't require being heated up or cooked is a bag of salad fixings and some dry cereal.  :/

I'm giving a warm salt rinse a try since that's helped me with various oral health problems in the past, but it hasn't shown much progress yet, either, and supposedly salt in this case can make the white swells disappear after only five rinses.  If this continues then I'll have to go to a dentist and have the infected areas removed.

My spine is getting worse, as well.  Something's wrong with my lower back, like, more than usual considering my back goes out of place in multiple locations extremely often.  The bone and muscle issues have thus been amping up my chronic migraines so being online and doing art is getting a little more bothersome, BUT I'M WORKING ON ANIMATIONS SO THEY NEED TO STOP SOON, PLEASE.

Ugh.  This journal was mostly just me keeping you guys up to date with random shit IRL.  Basically I'm just sore and am eating less again thanks to my dumb tongue.

Oh, and my internet went out again for a few days so everything that my wifi company has done up until this point hasn't really helped my situation any.  Apparently there were multiple "big issues" with the cables outside and whatever else that they have to have some expert come in and fix later this week.  (Aren't you guys the experts, though?  WTH- whyareyouhereifyoucfan't-)

Lastly, and most uncomfortably I must inform you guys right now that if I go on another major hiatus (like I did at the end of 2015 going on through most of 2016) it's because I might have to get a second job to make ends meet.  I'm still trying to work out getting more hours added back on to my schedule at the art store I'm currently employed at, since my time was cut in half after the seasonal sales ended.  I had a really bad scare recently with making, like, 1/3 or 1/2 of what I'd been making before, but I'm confident I'll pull have enough for March's rent, so at least I won't be losing this place within the week, yeah?  :'D

I've been wanting to make more adopts, but those never really sell well . . . and it doesn't make sense for me to spend hours on batches of adopts when I can't make more than a few bucks off of a few of them.  Maybe I'll have to keep trying new creatures or styles or something to encourage people to buy.  I'm not keen on selling out, and I'd like to make things that interest me, but I also want to stay in my home so . . . yeah.

I dunno.  We'll see how things go.  I'm just an anxious little shit when it comes to finances and health is all.  Things'll prolly work out again.  Hopefully.  *Continues to low-key panic*

GOOD NEWS, THOUGH!  I've been, for whatever reason, gaining a little more attention on DA, especially by the staff.  I've been added to the list of deviants who welcome new artists to DA, which is pretty fun, and I've been invited to a group dedicated to constructive criticism (which is pretty funny, I think, considering how nervous and incredibly shy I am giving that sort of stuff, and how I don't particularly like receiving it myself.  I'm more of a "learn gradually as you go" kind of person).  I figured it might be healthy and beneficial more to me and my social anxiety than my actual art, so I'm not shying away completely just yet.

I got to talk with Steve Gabry, the creator of the game Sally Face, and he's given me permission to monetize my cosplay video, which is awesome!  It's steadily gaining attention, too, so maybe I can start earning a little bit of money off YouTube in the future, as well.

I'm still making an effort to leave the apartment and hang out with friends, too.  Every Saturday (and some other week days, as well) I hang out with some people I got to know from work and they've pretty much made me a member of the family.  Literally.  They consider me family.  It's really sweet, and I truly appreciate it.  I've also got quite a few of you guys who check up on me damn near daily whether through text or PMs or whatnot, and I'm thankful for that as well.  It's not easy for me to attract positive relationships like that, and I'm still rather sensitive right now due to the loss of relationships/friendships, but believe me when I say that I think about you guys and my IRL friends pretty much daily.  I might not be a talkative person, and I may not reach out as often as I should, but I care deeply.  I love and trust and worry, I just have a habit of internalizing a lot of it because I don't want to end up hurt again.  I'm sorry for that.  I'm still getting better at this socializing stuff.  And liking myself.  I honestly don't think I'd like myself if I met me as a different person, but that's only because I know all of my dirty little secrets and faults and ridiculous insecurities and just incredibly dark, fucked up things about me that I'm ashamed of.

(Can I be real for a second?  Like, more real?  I honestly think that if you guys got to know me a lot more IRL you'd be pretty sick of me . . . or sickened by me.  That might be my mental conditions talking, but yeah.)

Well this has been another random and scatter-brained life update!  Thank you to those who took their time to look through however much they cared to!  I'm . . . hoping this animation will finally be up in the next day or two, and I have two more to follow it, then another Bloodstuck update that'll require reader input, so . . . yeah.  I'm more than used to things always coming up and delaying my work, though, so take estimated dates with a grain of salt.  Life makes a sport out of trying to prove me wrong, the lil dickens.

  • Listening to: Keaton Henson
  • Reading: DA-Wix Updates
  • Watching: Netflix Thrillers
  • Playing: ARK
  • Eating: Hard Boiled Eggs
  • Drinking: Water

Undertale SOULS Tag!

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 19, 2017, 7:12 PM

Tagged by:  No one.  I stole this from Niutellat 
1. No Tagbacks
2. Tag as many people as you want


  • You rarely lie, and if you do, you admit it later [ ]
  • You get very offended when someone lies to YOU. [ ]
  • When you trust someone, you really trust them, and cannot believe it when they betray you. [X]
  • You keep your word: if you make a promise, you keep that promise [ X]
  • You love being unique [X ]
  • You refuse to change your personality for anyone [ ]
  • You encourage others to be unique [X]
  • You have a very creative mind [X]
  • You have a very serious moral standard [X]
  • You love music [X]
  • Your dream job involves dancing/music [ ]
  • Your favorite color is blue, especially dark blue [ ]
  • You hate being late for anything [X]
  • In the snowball game in Undertale, you tended to get the dark blue flag a lot [ ]
  • In video games, you often point out the music [X]
  • If by some miracle you find a game with a dancer in it, you really, really wanna be that dancer [ ]
  • Your favorite fictional characters are those who stay true to their beliefs [ ]
  • You agree with the statement: It is better to walk in integrity than have great riches [X]
  • You hate stories where people change who they are just to please others [X]
  • You were honest with Undyne and told her anime wasn't real [X]

  Total:  12
(Lying is a tricky thing.  Sometimes I deem it necessary to protect people by telling white lies, and sometimes I'll be honest about them later if the danger has passed.  Sometimes I lie to make others not worry about me or my situation.  I don't always feel good about it, but I don't like making others feel concerned.  If someone lied to me for similar reasons I'd maybe be a little disappointed at most, but I'd understand.  If they lied for any other reason I'd honestly feel really betrayed.  Also, about the personality thing, I don't always let people see the true me unless I've gotten to know them a little better.)


  • You can't stop moving [ ]
  • You are the one that wants to beat up all the bullies [X]
  • You like boxing/martial arts [ ]
  • Your favorite color is orange [ ]
  • You wear manly bandannas and tough gloves [ ]
  • You hate waiting around--LET'S DO IT NOW! [ ]
  • When you get scared, you face your fears head-on [X]
  • Who needs plans? Let's dive right in! [ ]
  • In video games, you enjoy being the guy with the most attack/defense and health--the big tough guy! [ ]
  • Your favorite fictional characters are the brave ones, and the toughest ones [ ]
  • You agree with the statement: the only thing we have to fear is fear itself [X]
  • Your dream job would be something scary, something tough--perhaps a soldier or boxer [ ]
  • You love music that gets your blood pumping harder [X] 
  • You are protective of those you love, and will totally beat up whoever messes with them [X] 
  • You tended to get the orange flag in the snowball game in Undertale [ ]
  • You are VERY competitive [ ]
  • You are athletic [ ]
  • You like muscular people [ ]
  • You enjoy things other people would consider scary [X]
  • You don't like mushy, emotions, and always try to be tough [ ]

Total:  6
(I'm not a brave boy?? :'U)


  • Your favorite color is yellow [ ]
  • You have really good aim [ ]
  • When you get angry, it's usually over some terrible injustice [X]
  • When there are bullies, you tell the teacher so they can get what they deserve [X]
  • Your dream job would be something in law enforcement--police officer, lawyer, judge, etc, [ ]
  • You love firearms/guns [ ]
  • Either you go to a shooting range, or play FPS games []
  • Not only do you play FPS games, but you LOVE being the sniper [ ]
  • You also enjoy detective/lawyer games [ ]
  • You love watching mysteries and adventures where the bad guys get defeated [ ]
  • You uphold the law very seriously [X]
  • You have a strong sense of ethics [X]
  • You agree with the statement: you will reap what you sow [X] 
  • In the snowball game in Undertale, you got the yellow flag a lot [ ]
  • You also enjoy western movies, because of the sense of justice [X]
  • Your favorite characters are detectives, lawyers, etc [ ]
  • You love it when the bad guys get beaten [ ]
  • You hate it when the bad guys get away [ ]
  • When you do something bad, you are willing to punish yourself [X]
  • You have the tendency to point out when other people do something wrong, not because you are mean, but because you want them to do what is right [X] 

Total:  8
(I tend to take rules and laws more seriously than a lot of my friends . . . as they've repeatedly told me.  I don't like doing things that could get us into trouble.  qAq)


  • You do not mind reading long lists [X]
  • You don't mind waiting for long periods of time [X]
  • Even when you get annoyed, you tell yourself, "just be patient... be patient " [X]
  • It takes A LOT for you to get angry...a.....barking....lot.... [X]
  • You are willing to listen to other people talk for a long time [X]
  • You love your little siblings, and don't get annoyed easily [X] 
  • In video games, you love being the stealth characters that sneak around and wait for the perfect time to pounce [X]
  • Your favorite color is aqua/cyan [  ]
  • In the snowball game in Undertale, you got the cyan (light blue) flag a lot [ ]
  • You don't mind long cut scenes in video games [X]
  • You don't mind long movies [X]
  • When other people get angry, you calmly wait for them to relax [X]
  • Your dream job would be something other people would consider tedious [X]
  • You agree with the statement: the tortoise won the race, not the hare. [ ]
  • You enjoy long pieces of music [X]
  • You are very forgiving, and don't really get offended at whatever minor thing they did [X] 
  • When you are bullied, you hope that if you hold still long enough they'll go away [ ] 
  • You prefer to let things happen naturally, instead of rushing them [X]
  • You enjoy sitting and watching nature [X]
  • You understand that people take time to change [ ]
Total:  15
(Damn, son.)

  • You are very empathetic/sympathetic [X]
  • You genuinely love people [X]
  • You are willing to be beaten up by a bully if it means protecting someone else [X] 
  • You refuse to fight back, unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY [X]
  • You are good at catching/blocking things thrown at you [X]
  • You enjoy cooking [ ]
  • your favorite color is green [ ]
  • You are very good to your pets [X]
  • Your favorite fictional characters are the gentlest ones [X] 
  • You get REALLY upset when people call your favorite characters mary-sues, because you know in real life there ARE very kind-hearted people--and you are one of them! [X] 
  • You agree with the statement: kindness makes the world go 'round [X]
  • You may sound like a hippy, but you are all for world peace [X]
  • In the snowball game in Undertale, you got the green flag a lot [X]
  • Your dream job is either something related to food or helping other people [ ]
  • You enjoy helping others a lot [X]
  • In video games, you love being the healers [ ]
  • You are forgiving [X]
  • When you see someone crying, you want to make them feel better [X]
  • You hate stories with broken relationships, because it makes you sad [X]
  • You could NEVER do any kind of gameplay that involves killing EVERYTHING [ ]

Total: 15
(My dudes.)


  • You try to be optimistic, even in the darkest times [ ]
  • You take a lot of notes [X]
  • You are a nerd, and you are okay with that [X]
  • You don't care what other people may say about you--you will keep moving forward [X]
  • If at first you don't succeed, try, try again [X]
  • When you are bullied, you try to ignore them and keep doing your thing [ ]
  • Your favorite color is purple [ ]
  • in the snowball game, you got the purple flag a lot [ ]
  • You do get annoyed with your younger siblings, but you wait it out [ ]
  • You don't like waiting, but are willing to wait [ ]
  • You agree with the statement: he who ENDURES to the END will be saved [X] 
  • The important thing is finishing what you start, not being the best [X]
  • You enjoy games where you have to endure as long as you can before you die, and you like beating your score each time [X]
  • In video games, you like being the guy with the most stamina [ ]
  • You also enjoy strategy games, and often have a plan [ ]
  • Your dream job would involve some kind of paperwork or using your mind a LOT [X]
  • You want to keep your mind sharp [X]
  • Your favorite characters are the ones that make it to the end, no matter what [ ]
  • You hate it when fictional characters give up [ ]
  • You keep trying, and you keep trying, and you refuse to quit! [X]

Total:  10
(Wh- HOW?)


  • You are a completionist gamer--you want to make sure you get EVERYTHING finished [X]
  • You are VERY stubborn [X] 
  • You don't have one tactic, but adapt to each situation and make up a strategy for each one [X]
  • Your favorite color is red [ ] 
  • Your favorite fictional characters are the underdogs who go through hardships and come out stronger [X]
  • You enjoy alternate universe and time-traveling stories [X] 
  • You want to make a HUGE difference in the world [ ]
  • Until your dying breath, you will fight for what you believe in [X] 
  • In a video game, you might be the good guy, but you might be the bad guy--it depends on your mood [X]
  • When you set your mind to do something, you WILL do it [X]
  • You agree with the statement: NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER [X] 
  • You take note of many details-- sights, sounds, smells, estimate sizes of things, etc [X]
  • You are often the one settling disputes [X]
  • You are the one with a lot of authority, and other people know it [ ]
  • You hate stories that feel half-finished [X]
  • In video games, you enjoy being the mage--the one who can do anything they like with magic [ ]
  • In the snowball game, you got ALL of the flags, ON PURPOSE [ ]
  • You played ALL the routes in Undertale, possibly more than once [X] 
  • You do not know your dream job, but you know that you can do ANYTHING if you try [ ]
Total:  14

It would appear that I am PATIENT and KIND!  Haha, I always identified with the KIND soul, so that's not surprising, and PATIENCE is one of my best traits, so that's not too surprising either, I suppose.  I was surprised to get such high DETERMINATION and PERSEVERENCE ratings, like . . . dang.

TAGGUED BUDDIES: astral-buttercups BedCrows hyperdriive 

original skin by slakoths | modified by ChesterPalm
  • Listening to: Keaton Henson
  • Reading: Messages & Wiki Pages
  • Watching: Caddicarus
  • Playing: ARK
  • Eating: Kylo Ren Cereal
  • Drinking: Milk

I'm Leaving My RP Groups.

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 12, 2017, 8:14 PM
So I'm taking a break from my comic really quick to upload this message, but I just really wanted to get it off of my chest finally.  I've been getting busier with college and work and for a long time I had lost a lot of artistic and social motivation and my overall online activity suffered because of it.  Even though I'm making more of an effort to return to my DA and my YouTube channel, I'm still struggling to overcome my art block and a lack of will to participate in as many things on DA as I had previously.  One of the areas where I've been slacking the most is in the way of the roleplay groups I'm a member of.

Don't get me wrong, I really did like the beginning of my stay at each of the groups, but it became too much to keep up with and I started withdrawing myself from the groups and the chatrooms and other problems began to arise when I did finally get time to return to the RP scene.  RPs would die all of the time, and usually after the first reply or to.  I understood that people had their own personal lives and business to attend to, and I was still obviously dealing with a lot of issues myself, but sometimes it would really get to me.  I mean, I've had people express a lot of interest in RPing and then they wouldn't reply to my starters or they'd drop the RP, again, really soon after it had started.  That, or replies would come in every other week or so and interest in the scenarios and characters would start to fizzle out.  I've had a hard time accepting that I just can't be present that much in that kind of way anymore, and that I would eventually have to leave these groups to take care of personal things IRL.

Not only that, but there was a drama component.  I've had issues with other members or even staff in the past for some of the groups I've been in.  I myself started these groups relatively young, and kept turning to new ones when a group would start to die.  I know I definitely had my faults, and creating a balanced character was hard for me simply because I felt that if I gave my characters too many weaknesses or faults that other characters would be able to best and overcome them too often, and that ended up happening more often than not.  If I didn't try to balance my characters I'd receive criticism and even some reprimanding, and if I made them too weak then other members would let their characters kind of walk all over mine or treat mine poorly and I didn't like the way that that felt, either.  It seemed that while I was starting to make more of an effort in creating a fair RP setting others wouldn't really care and were fine with their characters being better than most others.

I've also had issues with being targeted by staff and other RP partners for reasons that I didn't believe should have been reacted to or handled the way that they were.  I've been called out and embarrassed publicly in the past, have been talked down to, ignored, talked over/around, and I got fed up with it.  I started withdrawing a lot more from large chatrooms and would avoid certain members altogether who seemed to take everything too seriously and would play favorites.  Like . . . okay.  After awhile I was in a state where I was so uncomfortable and unhappy with a lot of the OOC interactions and even some of the RP interactions that I would kind of ghost in chats and wait for an opportunity to stand out or shine or say something that would entertain others or would maybe encourage someone to start talking to me, and just my normal sense of humor was sometimes enough, but other times I would still feel really unappreciated by a majority of those who were more active in the groups.  I'm not saying it's their fault I'm leaving, I just knew when I was and wasn't really being responded to and I started stewing over it and obsessing over it and it was not healthy for me by any means to do.

Basically, I just wanted to be acknowledged more.  I tried turning more to art after awhile and hoped that posting more group art would encourage more interactions and notice in the groups, but that didn't really work as well either, so I gave up for a long time.  What pretty much ended up happening instead was I would only become active in groups around event due dates and I only existed in a group to make art--the RPing had stopped.  I didn't really care about events after that, I disappeared on more hiatuses, I avoided a lot of out-of-group RPs because I still felt I owed priority to the group RPs and relationships first, and I felt shitty about that.  I still do.

One of the biggest reasons I stayed, though, was because of the friends I had made in these groups.  I knew they were dealing with their own struggles (a surprising amount of them also relatied to group drama) and I didn't want them to be alone in those settings.  I wanted them to feel that because I was still in the group that they could readily come to me with their issues.  I'm still here for them, of course, and they shouldn't feel that because I have left or because I am leaving that I don't want to talk to them anymore.  Hell, in the future once I become a little more financially stable if they still want to RP I really, really encourage it.  I did have fun meeting them and their characters, and some of those RPs were really beautiful and wonderfully paced.  They inspired me a lot.  I hope that with me leaving I can still stay a friend to a lot of the people whom I am leaving in the groups who aren't leaving with me.

That's sort of another thing I wanted to talk about, going back to the drama.  I have and am leaving certain groups due to the treatment of people in them that I care about.  I don't like seeing them being shouted at or scolded or being called names by other members, and especially not the staff.  I'm pointing out groups specifically here, but on some level this kind of behavior happened in quite a few of them, and I don't think mods were always aware of it.  I was hesitant to bring it up at all, and even if I did things wouldn't get better for long.

So yeah. . .  I'm leaving those RP groups, and I can only say that I wished things would have been different, I know that they could have, but I was guilty of not handling things better, others were at fault as well, and I don't need to deal with that kind of stuff anymore.  I'm really sorry again to anyone who enjoyed having me in those groups, I really enjoyed getting to know you and interact with you as well, and like I said, don't be afraid to contact me because I do miss a lot of you and I would love to hear how you've been.

So I'm sorry for leaving for so long without formally posting a goodbye like this to my friends in OtherWorlde , I'm sorry for leaving during the revival and revamping of Poke-Apocalypse , I'm sorry for leaving Brasswing-Towers without really having done anything, I'm sorry to Once-Upon-a-HS for asking you guys to keep me in the loop although I'll never be joining now, I'm sorry to Worlds-and-Beyond for having to retract my character reservation I made an eternity ago, and . . . I'm sorry to all of the others whom I likely left during their construction or their infancy.

The one exception is Poke-Noir .  Although it is on an indefinite hiatus, I can't get myself to leave this group simply for the nostalgia.  It was my first RP group and it was one of the only two groups where I got to know a LOT of the characters and members in it, some of whom I still talk to today on DA as well as FB.  I never even got to draw Violetta and Meserid's children, but have it lined up in my art queue now so sometime in the near future you guys will get to see their family.


What's next?  Well, I'm not planning on leaving all of these OCs to rot.  I have lots of music videos and stories planned out for them that I hope to one day actually get to work on.  I mean, I spent a lot of time developing these characters, their relationships, and their backstories, and I'd love to share those things with you all some day.  I am, of course, beginning working on sharing character stories now with Bloodstuck being in the works.  I got several scenes drawn just today and have been considering spriting and pacing for the introduction/first act, so my HS fancharacters are going to be popping up on here a lot more after awhile.

So yeah!  Think that's pretty much all I have to say.  I want to figure out where I want to wrap up my comic update for tonight so I'm gonna vanish again for a few, but I'll upload something on here soon that will act as a sort of comic update notification piece.  Thanks again for reading, guys.  I hope you all understand.

  • Listening to: Shawn Wasabi
  • Reading: Messages & Wiki Pages
  • Watching: The Gabbie Show
  • Playing: ARK
  • Eating: Chicken Ramen
  • Drinking: Water

Whoa, I'm 20 now. Gross! :D

Journal Entry: Mon Feb 6, 2017, 2:28 PM
Yup.  As of approximately 9:00 AM today I ceased to be a teenager.  *Dramatic fist clench*  *Single tear*
It's still . . . weird.  I mean, I still kind of feel like I'm 17, but now that I've reached this age milestone already people are saying that now I'm even more of an adult.  I'mnotthough- let'sbehonesthere.  Also, thanks to the lovelies who've left me birthday wishes on my DA, FB, phone, etc., etc.  It's awesome to see I've more or less kept certain people around through all of my shenanigans and vanishings.  The support and reassurance I've received from all of you means so much to me, and I definitely would have left DA a long, long time ago if I didn't have you all in my life.  Love you guys~

Anywho!  There are some other lovelies who happen to have the same birthday, so shout-out to these awesome artists below!
:icons-nova: :icondot-doll: :iconanastas-c: :iconhotarubi-kyoshi: :iconlilinera: :iconmaverii: :iconpolywomple: :iconmadkakerlaken: :iconsecretsonya: :icon7-days-luck: :iconnoctem-tenebris:


(( Sorry that this is so short. I 'm just working on several things right now and am trying to decide which I need to get done and what pieces should take priority over others.  That being said, I'm trying to get something special uploaded this evening.  It's not going to major, but I'll be building on it if it keeps my interest/earns yours.  <3 . . .
[FMG]:  So you all better get ready for that!~ ;D ))

(((If y'all want a sneak peek, then go to my new poll once I get it up.)))

  • Listening to: Shawn Wasabi
  • Reading: Messages & Wiki Pages
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: ARK
  • Eating: Valentine's Day Island Cookies
  • Drinking: Milk

Hey, this loser isn't dead yet! ALSO- TAGGED!

Journal Entry: Fri Nov 11, 2016, 7:37 PM
Ah, okay~  So I vanished due to wifi issues, in case you haven't done/read my poll yet.  It went out almost for good in late October after having issues for a few months and I went through several appointments and phone calls before I could finally get the problem almost completely fixed.  I'm still sort of avoiding Skype for the time being, but hopefully I'll be more active on there again after I get more catch up homework and art done.  I just lost all motivation to do a lot of things, and even if I wanted to I lost access to my online classes and my character refs/animation storyboards during everything.  (Holy shit my wifi literally just went out right now. . .  So even this journal will be dealyed.  FML.)  So yeah.  Tomorrow I'm having my parents come over to help me move the coaxial cable to the new connection point so that should help restablish my wifi permanently.

So if I owe you art, don't worry, I'm not avoiding doing it I just literally was unable to do a lot of what I wanted to.  I did draw/sketch a few things and made minor fixes to an MAP part.  (Bless the hosts that gave me extensions, omfg. . .)  I also have an art fight entry and goretober to finish. . .  Luckily I have most of the weekend to dick around with this stuff so yeah.  Hopefully my inactivity won't last too much longer.  Thanks to the people who were still sending messages/donations and who were checking in on Messenger and were texting me to help keep me functioning.  My mood's still be deteriorating more than improving lately, but today I kind of got a boost of energy due to multiple things so that's nice.

Blah blah blah.  This depressed asshole has survived thus far and is working on giving people what they deserve from me,  yeyeyeye.


Tagged for a thingy by AnnaTheWonderGirl01 <3


1. Copy/paste these rules
2. Answer the question given below
3. If tagging, provide your own questions.
4. If tagged, the journal must be completed before Halloween ends. Failure to do so leads to a... rather nasty trick.  (Dude, come at me.)
5. No tag backs
6. Please be creative with the journal title.  (Fight me, IRL.)


1. When was your first Halloween? (Can omit year if possible)
I was like two I think, and was still living with my grandparents.  I wanted to be Casper the friendly ghost, so Mom cut up a white sheet and I was a lil boo ghostie who went around my small home town trick 'r treating.  Everyone dug my custome and got a kick out of my excitement so apparently it was an awesome first Halloween.

2. What was your first costume?
Uh . . . Casper.  Yeah.  ^

3. What kind of costume (or costume element) can you not stand?
Ugh . . . when I was still in grade school fucking everyone and their sister dressed up as witches.  I always felt like it was a cop out.  (Though one year I found nothing I liked at all and so I went as a midnight witch with a torn up blue-and-black costume.  It was . . . okay.  I still had fun that night.)  I also really don't like those cheap gag costumes that smaller stores and novelty shops sell.  They're usually really inappropriate or stupid and just make me unhappy in general.

4. What's your favorite candy?
Mmmmm Hot Tamales~  And chocolate!!  Never can go wrong with chocolate.  I rather enjoy candy corn pumpkins, too.  And Skittles . . . and Twizzlers . . . and lollipops . . . and everything.

5. What's your least favorite treat?
Hmmmmmmm I used to have a weird prejudice against Milk Duds, if that counts.  I usually saved those and whoppers for last whenever I went out on Halloween.

6. What's worse: Candy corn or black licorice?
I eat both, so fawk off.

7. Who or what is your favorite Halloween monster?
Mmmmhmmmhmhmhmhmhmmm.  Like, just a generic monster?  Uh . . . I don't know.  Can never go wrong with vampires and werewolves.  Love them.  I love skeletons, too.  If we're talkin', like Halloween characters then I really like the cereal mascots (*laughing*), Jack Skellington and Sally, and Casper.  Yeyeyeyeye.  Ghosts are cuties.

8. Which Halloween monster do you despise? (Be honest with this one.)
Eh.  I wouldn't say "despise," but again I see witches everywhere and it gets kind of dull.

9. What kind of Halloween monster would you be (if given the chance...)?
Prolly a vampire.  Or a reaper.  I mean, I love werewolves, don't get me wrong, but I feel more like I'd be a vamp myself.  But I'd ditch them both if I could be a skelly with a scythe.

10. Do you perform horrific pranks during this time of year?
I used to.  Now I live on my own and I just leave creepy texts to friends who forgot/lost my number.  I suck that way.

11. Do you hate it when people prank you during this time of year?
If it's someone I don't know then yeah.  If it's someone I know then it's okay.

12. Do you still trick or treat at your age? (Not judging!)
Nope.  I stopped after entering junior high, and I only did it afterwards when I dated Josh so it's safe to say that I did not go out this Halloween.

13. Do you love a good Monster Mash (Halloween party)?
If they're with close friends and family, then yes.  I like any excuse to laugh and eat food while listening to good music and enjoying good decor.

Tagging:  No one because it isn't Halloween anymore.  BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING, HA!  Do what you want, I don't own you.

  • Listening to: KAZY 93.7
  • Reading: Messages
  • Watching: Bad Movie Reviews
  • Playing: Animal Crossing
  • Eating: Hot Fudge Banana Milkshake
  • Drinking: Hot Fudge Banana Milkshake

If you comment I'll . . . ~

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 13, 2016, 4:20 PM
I'm sort of sleepy and irritable right now but I wanna remedy this before my mom comes over later.  I've gotten so used to staying up all night and napping during the day or in the early AM.  I get all sleepy this time of day, and sometimes when I'm tired I get grumpy.  This, coupled with the fact that I started feeling kind of pissy earlier is making me feel like a not very nice person.  Makes doing homework before my deadlines really interesting sometimes.  I can't help it, though.  My sleeping habits just kind of changed after I was left on my own.

ANYWAYS.  I yoinked a meme from this cool deary:  Vyess 
Basically you have to leave a comment below, any type of comment, and I'll:

1. Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your dA page for 20 seconds.
2. Tell you a color you remind me of.
3. Tell you what element I believe you belong to (e.g. water, fire, air, etc.).
4. Tell you what animal you remind me of. 
5. Ask you a question, and you must answer. 
6. Tell you something I like about you or your art.
7. Give you a nickname.
8. Tell you what am I watching/listening to right now.
9. Tell you what food/ flavor/smell you remind me of.
10. Tell you to do this in your journal too, if you haven't already.

SUPER SAVVY BONUS:  11.  Tell you what the last song I was listening to was.  I just looked at the last one I listened to in my history and it made me chuckle thinking about what music you guys might catch me listening to.

Cool?  Cool.

  • Listening to: Dubstep Playlist
  • Reading: Calculus shit
  • Watching: Markiplier Undertale Livestream
  • Playing: Animal Crossing
  • Eating: Chicken Parm Pizza
  • Drinking: V8

Holy F***ing S***

Journal Entry: Wed Oct 5, 2016, 4:20 PM
So . . . I'm fucked.  The college denied my financial aid claiming that CLASSES I AM REQUIRED TO TAKE TO GRADUATE aren't relevent to my degree despite the fact that I went in to see an adviser and I chose these classes because I DO need them for my degree AND my transfer to SD.  Now they're saying I owe over $300 for classes this semester and I'm not getting a reimbursement check for unused aid money.  I was counting on that to be able to pay rent next month.  I only have a few hundred in the bank right now, and while I do have another interview on Friday and the college said they were thinking of hiring me immediately for a lab assistant position they didn't call me when they said they would so I had to call them and leave a message.  I'm so fucking pissed and scared I don't know what to do.  At this rate I won't be able to make enough money if I do get a job this month to pay for shit next month.  I have to go in tomorrow to talk to the adviser who signed me up for these classes to see if they can make an exception for me or to see if we can justify me taking them.  They pulled this shit on me during the summer, too . . . and I had to pay over $700 out-of-pocket which would have been nice to use for rent, too. . .  Holy fucking God I'm going to lose it-

Guys. . .  I seriously don't think I'm going to win this one.

  • Listening to: "Fine, Great" - Modern Baseball
  • Reading: Geology Textbook
  • Watching: Game Grumps
  • Playing: Tuber Simulator
  • Eating: Fish Sticks w/ Maple Syrup
  • Drinking: Water

10 Embarrassing Confessions

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 3, 2016, 2:05 AM
Hey, hey, hey~
This is a meme-thing I've seen floating around DA for awhile, and I've honestly been really interested in trying it out for a long time now!  :'D  
Basically all I do is I list embarrassing experiences, facts, and secrets of mine that sometimes make me cringe or feel real silly.  I hope you guys enjoy them, because they're actually pretty funny.  

Also, check out this journal to ask me fun meme questions that I have to respond to:  TWO OC MEMES FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! (Which is free)


1.  Sometimes I confuse the words "frog" and "bear."  For no fucking reason at all.  I KNOW WHAT BEARS AND FROGS ARE, I SWEAR.  But for some reason whenever I'm trying  to tell someone about something to do with bears and/or frogs I say the other one and sometimes I don't even catch myself and I confuse the shit out of people.  This is especially horrifying as I am a zoology major and it's really awkward when I just go on rattling off informtion without catching my mistake, and even more so when someone questions me like "wait, you sure you're talking about frogs?" and I'm just like "yeah,  o' course," like a dumbass because I imagined they said frog and I pictured a bear.  Someonehelpme-

2.  Sometimes if I'm curious about something and I'm left alone I'll get up and investigate it, only to jump and spin around in terror like I was caught doing something bad the moment I hear someone walk in.  I never do it in a stranger's house, or to the belongings of someone I don't know well, which makes it even more stupid that I'm terrified of being caught looking at a little Kinder Egg toy or one of my cousin's dolls, etc.  And like, the people who catch me doing this are just confused and think I'm embarrassed that I was interested in whatever I was holding moments ago but was trying to be sneaky about it when really I have no reservations about what I find cool in my friends' and family members' homes.  I just  have this stupid relfex.  I'm not easy to scare or startle, so it makes it even weirder.

3.  I thought "Morgan Freeman" was an alternate name for "Gordon Freeman" from Half-life up until my first year of high school, and even then I'd occasionally forget who he was and would think of Gordon instead.  I don't know how this one happened. I was a huge Half-Life fan and for some reason my brain made the assumption that they were the same person.  I mean, I had seen Morgan Freeman in a few movies before then, but didn't know him by name.  It blew my mind a nd made me really uncomfortable when I finally learned the truth.

4.  I still like playing the Nintendo Petz games and Paws n' Claws PetVet whenever I get a chance.  You know, those kiddy games where you take care of pets, run a vet office, or play as an animal yourself and go on adventures.  It's silly, but they were some of my favorite games growing up.  This is coming from the person who plays Skyrim religiously, adores ARK and Minecraft, has played almost every Pokemon game through to completion at least once, and whose first video game ever was Doom.  It's just . . . really fun and satisfying to play with the animals--IDK.

5.  I have really bad social anxiety, and if I stay home for too long without ever leaving my apartment then I literally shake whenever I'm around someone else, and my heart is pounding the entire time I'm in public.  It's even worse when I go to the gas station to grab stuff on sale in the evenings or really late at night and they kinda give me odd looks because I'm shaking almost violently in my hands, my face is flushing, my eyes are usually bloodshot, and I'm super pale and skinny so I look like quite a sight.  I'm most definitely sure this one guy at the gas station down the road is convinced I'm a drug user.  I'm just an underweight college student with severe anxiety and irrational phobias, dude.

6.  Once when I was at Walmart, I was browsing the shampoo and conditioner, got some on my hand due to a broken lid and wiped it all over the side of a cardboard box . . . that a Walmart employee was using and unpacking.  She watched me while I did it.  I briefly made eye contact and lowered my gaze, hurried up with the wiping, and then quickly pushed my cart away.  Because I suck.

7.  Once when I was in my high school French class, I pulled out my phone to get on the internet to show something to my table group (all of them were guy friends of mine) and I had left the browser on google images.  I hadn't looked up anything innapropriate--I was looking up art references for drawing arms.  However, when I pulled the browser up the screen was almost perfectly centered on a (clothed) woman's chest.  They all just stared at me and at first I didn't knwo why but then one of them pointed it out to me like "really?" and then I became mortified that they thought I was looking up dirty things on my phone.

8.  I am horrible at baking/cooking.  My eggs are too salty, baked goods never rise, my meat usually ends up burnt, and sometimes my pancakes are too undercooked in the middle.  It takes me a few times to try and make something that doesn't taste bad (to other people, that is.  I guess I'm just a pig becausee even if I botch something I make myself eat it and never complain about it).  People also usually laugh at the things I make and while it wounds my pride a little I haven't died from my cooking, so. . .

9.  I accidentally convinced my step-father's side of the family that my mother was an alcoholic.  She's a bit of a wine/beer snob, and has glasses of wine a lot.  I make fun of her for it a lot, and it's always in good fun.  I guess when the family was still getting to know us they didn't understand our sense of humor and they were really worried about my brother and I and thought my mom was going to cause Bryan to increase his alcohol consumption, too.  I had to actually address the problem with one of my family members in particular who was spreading their worries/rumors and tell them that I waas just kidding, and I felt like a piece of shit about it because they were all really awkward around me for awhile.

10.  When I was first getting into singing I had no shame.  I mean, I wouldn't sing physically in front of anyone, but I would crank up my speaker system in my room and belt shit out without thinking about who was listening.  Everyone in my household when I was in junior high had to listen to me singing really loudly almost every day from my room.  It was really bad since my room was right by the open dining/kitchen/living room areas and my parents' room.  I was . . . not good then, either.  I've improved since then, thankfully, but now I'm really, really careful about singing if anyone's nearby.  I'll usually just stop or I'll sing under my breath if someone's near me.  I have no shame singing in front of my brother, though.  He's the only person I can actually feel completely comfortable singing and rapping in front of.


Journal Entry: Thu Sep 29, 2016, 1:42 AM
YOOOO I'M IN A SHIPPING/OC MOOD SO YEAH.  I'M JACKING THESE TWO MEMES FROM Kittrex because I wuv them and their taste in memes.  ((Also doing this because I have a lil free time and I'm feeling really happy for a change since I might get hired on to a new job in less than a week at the college's biology department so fingers crossed!))


FIRST MEME:  The Ship Meme  ((You know I'm excited about this one.))
Ask for any pairings of mine you know of or have with me~
I will also do CRACK PAIRINGS! Got a character you've secretly shipped with one of mine, or you just think they'd make an interesting pair? I'll come up with a headcanon on the spot!  So throw some numbers and a ship at me, and I'll answer!  ((YOU CAN ALSO REFER TO THE CRACK SHIP POLL I HAVE ON MY PAGE.))

1- Who is the most affectionate?
2-Big spoon/Little spoon?
3-Most common argument?
4-Favorite non-sexual activity?
5-Who is most likely to carry the other?
6-What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?
7-What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?
8-Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?
9-Who worries the most?
10-Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?
11-Who tops?
12-Who initiates kisses?
13-Who reaches for the other’s hand first?
14-Who kisses the hardest?
15-Who wakes up first?
16-Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?
17-Who says I love you first?
18-Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)
19-Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?
20-What do their family/friends think of their relationship?
21-Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?
22-Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?
23-Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?
24-Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?
25-Who needs more assurance?
26-What would be their theme song? (please don't ask I would cry, I'm so bad at this)
27-Who would sing to their child back to sleep?
28-What do they do when they’re away from each other?
29-one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart.
30-one headcanon about this OTP that mends it.


SECOND MEME:  Get to Know my OCs
Comment with the name of one of my OCs and I'll answer these questions for them!
((I'm changing this one up a bit--just pick anywhere from 1 to 8 numbers and I'll answer those questions for the chosen character.  They can be someone I made, I adopted, etc.))

01. Full name
02. Best friend
03. Sexuality
04. Favorite color
05. Relationship status
06. Ideal mate
07. Turn-ons
08. Favorite food
09. Crushes
10. Favorite music
11. Biggest fear
12. Biggest fantasy
13. Bad habits
14. Biggest regret
15. Best kept secrets
16. Last thought
17. Worst romantic experience
18Biggest insecurity
19. Weapon of choice
20. Role Model

DA's New Notice | Sexual Harassment

Journal Entry: Tue Sep 20, 2016, 6:41 PM
Alright, everybody!  Multiple topics I want to bring up today (namely in the title, be warned).  So the little . . . "artist feature" notification thing has . . . really gotten some interesting attention so far, yeah?  I'll quickly post my comment and the reply of the site mod, danlev , who kindly responded to me.

Da Mod 1 by SavannaEGoth
((Sorry for the wonky time stamps, Charter was turning my wifi on and off while I was trying to write this.))

That's the first time I've been addressed personally by one of DA's staff . . . probably the whole time I've been on DA.  It was . . . odd considering I have had things I've felt very strongly on in the past that were ignored and lumped with the rest of the community because of obvious time constraints the busy lives the staff members lead, but also because the feedback likely isn't what they had been hoping for.

I just wanted to say that while the vibes/message I get from this journal, like the majority of people commenting on the notice, make me very uncomfortable and somewhat even disappointed/unhappy with DA, I would like to admit that trying to highlight the unknown artists would also be difficult and would still lead to criticsm.  Most of the people commenting are unhappy with the fact that only well-known artists with high prices are being featured.  I'm still not entirely sure as to how these artists were selected, but it was very lucky for them and I'm happy that they were because it would be an amazing opportunity for anyone on DA.  However, these artists do tend to already have a lot of watchers and followers and seem fairly well known as there were multiple people in the comments who immediately identified a certain few of them as being people they already watched.  This means that while they are no doubt getting a lot of help from DA in finding interested commissioners, they already had a better chance than most.  There are tons and tons of undiscovered, struggling artists out there who could benefit from a feature like this, too, I agree that much.  What people commenting on the notice also seem to fail to realize is that it would be very hard to include all of the people who are dependent on their art/DA for their living expenses.  There are so many people out there who would deserve being featured like this as well, but never will be.  It's hard to swallow, but it's the truth.

The prices of the commissions were also rather high, but again these selected artists are pretty popular, and they've got talent.  For some of them this is their main/only source of income and it would make sense that they're charging what they do to make a living.  However, on DeviantArt popularity sells better than just raw talent alone.  This is another reason why artists commenting weren't happy because like me, you, and many others on the site they've no doubt struggled in trying to get a decent amount of pay for their work.  Art takes time, time that could be spent working at another job, relaxing, studying, etc.  They need money for the time they lose making art, but many artists on this site still have to sell themselves short to even hope they can make money.

The topic of money brings me brings me to the painfully obvious advertising of the points purchase and the commission widgets.  I don't know how many of you are familiar with the widgets or not, but as I said in my comment on the original notice above, they take a portion of the artist's earnings and send it to DA for using the feature.  DA isn't a charity, obviously, and needs money to stay in operation for their massive servers that are growing daily.  That doesn't really excuse clever advertisements like this, in my opinion.  They already receive cuts from the DA store as well, for really shocking amounts!  Not to mention they've been raising prices on "core" memberships and the like, and have been cutting down on features available to ALL members.  It's worrying many that DA is truly only seeking money and they're growing more and more impersonal.  It isn't hard to notice that they rarely, if ever, respond to negative criticsm on their updates, while sending out a few thanks to positive members and answering a few questions here and there before abandoning the notice/journal comment section for good.  Again, they're busy, but everyone's voices need to be accounted for, even in small amounts.  It's called sampling, and is important for the statistics they no doubt somewhat pay attention to . . . or at least glance over.  I think that was why I was so surprised to see a staff member reply to me.

Perhaps if they consider the feedback they got from this journal they'll try some other money-making approach in the future, or will actually make a feature with nothing but the artists' benefits in mind.  This is why PayPal (while their change in TOS is a royal mess right now) is still preferable over the paying features on DA.  If they had simply advertised for a few popular and a few unknown artists who make icons/avatars and use PP as a primary means of money transaction then it wouldn't have been so shocking to the people who read it.

I have to admit, though, that the comment section was pretty great.  (I'm a sucker for wit and sass.)  I even met some talented, kind people out of it:  GiantPurpleCat lnkblooded 
Their art is lovely and their styles are so cool!  Definitely watch/commission them if you can!

(I would also surely be remiss if I didn't mention sassh0le and Midnitez-REMIX for their amazing comments in the discussion section.  Brilliant work, you fabulous people, you.)


Now . . . for the more unpleasant part of this journal.  I know a good lot of you guys saw the photodumps I posted last night.  I was actually starting to feel good about myself again and while working on some art I felt the need to post them.  It was for fun, but some of the attention I received was really . . . awkward.  I had nice comments on them on DA and Skype, and I do appreciate the kindness/compliments!  However, some people contacted me privately in a way that made me a little/VERY uncomfortable.

I shouldn't have to say this, and I doubt everyone who messaged me privately about this kind of thing recently or in the past will ever see this journal, but just because someone posts a picture of themselves that you may find appealing/attractive, that doesn't give you the right to ask dirty things of them.  It's NEVER okay.  I am more than just my face and my body.  I'm more than just a single piece of meat waiting for someone to fill up the hole my past relationship left in me.  I would like to be treated as a human being should.  It's not hard to be respectful of others, and even simple comments of "you look very nice!" can suffice if you wish to tell someone you admire the way they look.

The worst one I got ended up in me blocking the other user (who shall remain nameless ALTHOUGH THEY HAVE LITERALLY VISITED MY PAGE +FIVE TIMES SINCE AN HOUR OR TWO AGO).  In short, they greeted me in a note, nothing I have issue with, and then right after I responded with a greeting in reply they sent me a link to a nude photo of their lower region. . .  I'm not making this shit up.  I didn't click on the "show anyway" button on the filter for obvious reasons, and told them politely I didn't want to look.  Then they kept describing it and their transitional phase they're apparently going through.

Let me interrupt the account here by saying something else I really didn't think needed to be said EVER because WOW:
I am, for the most part, a friendly, understanding, and accepting person.  I don't feel someone should be judged or hated for things they cannot help or certain life choices that they make.  It doesn't bother me in the slightest whether you are male, female, trigender, bigender, transsexual, heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, or of ANY sexuality/orientation.  If your sex and gender (what you are biologically versus what you identify as) are different or the same, it doesn't matter.  You are you.  You can't help these things that you feel to be right, and it is your body/love life and is personal and special to you.  If you want to take horomones and have a surgery then you go for it!  I'll support you!  You have a right to feel happy and loved~
I also don't care what religion you practice, what race you are, where you live, what your social/financial standing is, whether or not you're fictionkin, your body type, what fandom(s) you associate with, your political alignment, YOUR BLEEDIN' FOOT FIZE, ETC.  YOU are YOU and have every right to be YOU.  (Though admittedly I get irritated when people make fun of genders by saying that their gender is Kracken or unicorn or Japanese, etc. . . .  Those aren't genders . . . you should know that.  Be mature about these things.  Also don't care for people who force their religions on others.  That's nasty and you shouldn't feel so entitled nor should you tell people they're going to hell and should feel bad about themselves because they love people in a way you cannot.)  ((Also use your brain and avoid claiming things like me supporting something hateful or dangerous like terrorism or pedophilia.  You know that isn't what I mean.))

ANYWAYS.  I told them I was happy for them, but I still didn't want to look TWICE MORE after the first time and that's when they started getting short with me.  I'll be taking out their name for obvious reasons, but holy God almighty did this convo really not need to happen.  ((Again, sorry for the weird formatting of the images, Charter turned off my wifi and LEFT.  So . . . I'll grab the shots from my phone.))  Don't click on the link if you'd rather not read this what was said.

Harrassment Convo Redacted by SavannaEGoth

I'm wondering whether I should still report harassment or not.  I'm more concerned about them just doing it to random people or possibly people who are underaged.  I have, like I said, blocked them, but after doing so they kept viewing my profile in what I assume were attempts to contact me further.  IF IT'S YOU READING THIS, WHAT YOU DID WAS UNCALLED FOR AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.  IT'S BECAUSE OF THINGS LIKE THIS THAT THERE ARE STILL STRUGGLES WITH PEOPLE ACCEPTING PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT GENDERS AND SEXES.  I SAID IT TO YOU ONCE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN.  CHECK YOURSELF.  Also, not contacting anyone in the way you contacted me ever again would be smart, too.  But that's just my opinion.


Lastly, allow me to try and brighten the gloomy atmosphere I've created with this journal by sharing a little something with you guys which you may or may not enjoy (though I hope you do because I love the people who support me and actually take time to listen to what I have to say):

  • Listening to: "Glowing Eyes" - Twenty One Pilots
  • Reading: Geology Textbook
  • Watching: Alonzo Lerone
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Water